sweetcrusader
Fat fat fat. Also, Mia/ednos/binge. Trying to take control.
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Hey lovelies,
You know that .gif with a crowd throbbing at a concert all in sync and it’s all moving and inspiring and shit? I’d be mucho grateful if someone could inbox me a link to it, please?
Needed for drunk-ass bonding with the boyfriend.
In return I give you one of my drawings. Thanks loves <3
(would a pic of his huge penis be better?)

My Autism Spectrum Disorder (A personal guide)

# 8
The notorious ‘do not disturb’ (and infamous irritability about it).
In order to complete a task, depending on the level of focus, I genuinely do require no interruptions. This drawback is often portrayed in media as a comical grouchiness, in some instances as low level tyranny. I understand that it might look from the outside, perhaps like selfish behaviour. For me, it is not trivial. Disruptions can cause a sort of physical pain, or sudden ‘blindness’ of some senses. I have mentioned how I must force my senses into alignment one by one, depending what’s required. This means that I am using almost exclusively those senses, shutting out those not required.
Disruptions involuntarily switch my conscious alignment of my senses into a new arrangement, focusing on the interruption. For example if I’m sketching a design and there is anything from a sudden loud noise, a new continuous or ongoing pervasive noise, to someone turning on a light in an adjacent room, my attention is switched. My perception rapidly switches from forcing my eyes and my hand to move in coordination, forcing my eyes to disregard the peripheral information, then suddenly to my ears, or my peripheral. I essentially become blind to the senses I was employing to complete my task. While this for me is vastly, enormously, more sensitive than that of someone not on the spectrum (you will all have experienced this at some point or another, with varying levels of intensity, perhaps when trying to immerse yourself in a movie or a book - then the phone rings, someone knocks at your door, roadworks start right outside of your window) I believe I am fortunate that it is an area of Autism for me that is far more mild than that of those in the ‘lower functioning’ end of the spectrum. However, it is serious. It can be physical painful, as if suddenly someone blasts and air-horn in your ear. That sense was being consciously disregarded - which is  difficult, to conserve focus on another sense. For it to be suddenly re-engaged, for information to flood in past that, is at best, extremely startling. I then actually need to go and recover. I may not be able to regain my focus for my task for some time, I have even (rarely, thank goodness) experienced this for days. I can only describe it further as a “tearing” sensation in my brain, like that of ripping calico. It is a sensation that is almost audio, but also physical.
I don’t actually want to act like a spoiled little princess, my very real discomfort in this is not a choice. You wouldn’t expect somebody to endure real -yet avoidable - pain in order to work, when they could work without pain, and I don’t think it’s appropriate that I should.

My Autism Spectrum Disorder (A personal guide)

# 7

The ‘E’ word. Employment.
This is most definitely one of the greatest challenges that Autism in me presents. As must be acknowledged, my intellect is not in question. What makes employment difficult, is my fluctuating capacity. For anyone unfamiliar with Autism generally, this is one of the most persistant negative aspects one on the spectrum may experience. It cannot be cured, it cannot easily (or very effectively) be treated. It can be managed. Fundamental to this, is a low level of avoidable stress. This means compromise. From all parties.
This is absolutely not special treatment. It is established fact that people on the Spectrum experience a higher level of stress than neurotypical people. It should then be plain to see how it follows that stress severely impacts and influences the fluctuating capacities of one on the spectrum. I do have capacity to work; however, in order to keep that capacity stable, I do have very specific needs. I absolutely can not work closely with people. I have given my everything to attempting this previously, and it has driven me to complete breakdown. Every single time that I tried resulted in nervous collapse. This is true of me since preschool through to current. This is not through a lack of trying. I have only recently been officially diagnosed very recently, and suspected Autism for several years. At the point I realised I am Autistic, I understood why I cannot work with people. Because socialising takes so much of my energy, and work takes a significant amount of my energy, and because I have another common symptom of Autism which is insomnia, I am simply not able to replenish my energy enough to keep up with demand. A similar phenomenon can be observed in the higher ranks of giant companies, or in the stock market. They push and push and don’t sleep for as long as their mind and body collapse and then it destroys them.
This is entirely unchangeable (I have this on good authority; Professor Tony Atwood sadly assured me that I will just have to, quote ‘get used to it’) but it is easily remedied provided the appropriate opportunies and assistance. I can simply learn to work from home. I have found it peculiar that when I say this to employment agencies, it is invariably met with a level of skepticism  and disdain. I have the internet at home. Most business these days involve the internet. Millions of ordinary people telecommute every day.
Also imperative is to follow my strengths - to paraphrase Temple Grandin, mentor, philanthropist, inventor, author, entrapraneur High Functioning Autistic. She is a globally renowned expert on Autism (incidentally, there is a movie starring Claire Danes playing her being made) because she knows what she’s talking about. To sum up a large part of what she says is essential for an Autistic person to succeed in employment, and even flourish, is to follow your strengths. Anything else will just take too much energy and the person won’t be able to keep it up.
This does not require outrageous compromise from anyone, only a little flexibility and understanding of the situation. I am a talented artist. I see patterns in everything. In employment terms: patterns are my friend. This manifests in an ability to, with absolute ease, construct a moderately complex item, such as fashionable light blocking curtains. Thematic doonah covers and bed sets to standard sizing. My mind works in the details, in specifics - I can find the niches easily. Patterns again; I am adept at reading the rythm of markets. At the moment, I could craft somewhat frivolous items. Hand crafted and expensive is the market in this financial climate. I also have designs for practical, sturdy yet still beautiful items in drier times. I am endeavouring to start a business within the next few years, currently I am actively preparing myself. It is slow, but consistant progress. I am in the process of compiling a portfolio, and taking steps to move from paper designs, to practical. I am optimistic. Given support, and with concessions made to my weaknesses, I am certain that I can follow my strengths into a successful - and tax paying - future.

My Autism Spectrum Disorder (A personal guide)

# 6
Every single activity that requires any measure of consciously manipulating my senses to interact cohesively, of focus, is a drain on my energy.
To continue the ‘finite water’ analogy, imagine every single thing you do using up an amount of that finite water. Brushing your teeth is equal to one shotglass of water, driving your car equal to anywhere between five and ten cups, depending on a myriad of variables such as bad weather - two cups, peak hour, four. Checking the mailbox upon getting home three shotglasses, to sit and open it another three.
For example, this is why I am particularly good at expressing myself in writing. The amount of senses I need to be consciously controlling to write a lengthy essay is fewer than those required for crossing a moderately busy two-way road in daylight, thus uses less of my ‘water’.

My Autism Spectrum Disorder (A personal guide)

# 5

Essentially, it does come and go.
I’ve noticed that, in a lot of other people’s personal descriptions of Autism, it’s described as specific capabilities being strong at some times, and virtually non-existant at others. I’ve encountered time and again, descriptions of the frustration experienced when one skill has been laboriously develeped only to suddenly be back at square one. I agree with this very strongly. I have started to look at my daily or weekly capacity as a body of water. If I have to travel by public transport, that is a seperate vessel that requires some of my water. If where I am going involves interacting with someone, that too requires a given amount of water. The reason I use water is that it is particularly finite in mass and volume. Whether or not I can do something depends entirely on having enough ‘water’ left over from other things required of me. This means I need time between activities to collect my ‘water’.

My Autism Spectrum Disorder (A personal guide)

# 4

Autism is not just hard on me.
Spend any time with me and you should notice that people who expect to be in my life are called upon to help, sooner or later.
My carer takes on stress to care for me, my mother takes on stress still caring intensively for me at 27. The wonderful people in my life experience hardship, inconvenience, sleep deprivation, discrimination, ignorance, rudeness, judgement, unwillingness and people and organisations straight up just not listening. They endure fatigue, frustration, huge demands on their time, expenses, extra travelling. They have to be translators, inventors, psychiatric emergency team, cooks, cleaners, personal assistants, accountants, researchers, counsellors and frequently, psychics. Support for them is rare - their friends don’t understand, nor their colleagues or extended family.
These are the most beautiful, strongest and most important people in the world to me, and I have to watch them stoically enduring all of this - and more - on my behalf. It hurts to be such a burden on anyone, let alone the people you care about most.

My Autism Spectrum Disorder (A personal guide)

# 3

Being dependent on people sucks.
I am not ‘lucky’ that in my life I need intensive assistance. It’s not easy for me, I don’t get to be ‘lazy’ because I require help.
Often I and the people who I am fortunate enough to have caring for me encounter willful resistance and resentment from who they are interacting with on my behalf.
Often the people or organisations I am dependent on are people and organisations that I dislike intensively (most often because of their hostile attitudes to my Autism), yet I am dependent on them.
Often it is far more complicated and difficult to have assistance doing things; it requires more co-ordination of more people, it is stressful for all involved - myself definitely included. If I could skip the hassle of needing a team of people to help me do simple things, I WOULD.

My Autism Spectrum Disorder (A personal guide)

# 2

Understand that I need people to do for me.
Do not just see two arms, two legs, two eyes, ten fingers and toes. Capability is not dependent on these physical factors alone.
Just as you would not assume that every person who appears to be physically abled is a professional athlete simply because they possess all of their limbs, do not assume that I don’t really need assistance for the same reason.
Needing to be taken to appointments, have phone calls made on my behalf, having to schedule most of my outings for night time - is all necessary assistance. If I don’t have help when I need it, it won’t happen, no matter how imperative or simple the task. If it comes to making a certain phone call for myself or be homeless, I would be homeless.
It is not a choice.

My Autism Spectrum Disorder (A personal guide)

#1
Slow it down - you’re too sudden.
People always move too fast and scare me, want answers too quickly, change tact too abruptly, ask questions that are too complicated with too many variables to your meanings.
I’m ALWAYS scared or confused, around other people. Whatever I look like to you at the time, remember - if I’m talking you I am at best confused and running to catch up.

thebicker:

newwavefeminism:

infernumequinomin:

nicolas-christ:

Pantene Philippines #whipit Labels against women

This is so relevant it’s not even funny.

That vanity issue. Telling they’re worthless if they don’t look dolled up, but are shallow if they doll themselves up.

They’ve done studies that prove this is absolutely true (not that any of you doubted it). Sheryl Sandberg wrote about it a lot in Lean In, in the context of how bosses and job applicants are perceived. It’s known as the Heidi/Howard experiment. A man and a woman with equal accomplishments are viewed completely differently. Women are viewed as either nice or competent - not both. 

(Source: spookyitaly)

methhomework:

ain’t my new lipstick cute

methhomework:

ain’t my new lipstick cute

radglawr:

zellas:

fauxboy:

starshinethecat1:

xxgoldie12xx:

the-winchesters-in-221b:

2ollux-2hip2-2tuff:

davespritedave:

hoechlolly:

tehwhovianhufflepuff:

imagine-tenthousand:


mockinggrass:


Go big or go home 


So I tried to recreate this, because I knew the responses would be different, and consequently realized that it’s either extremely old or faked, as Cleverbot auto-capitalizes and auto-punctuates your sentences for you if you do not. Oh well.
In light of that fact, here’s my go at cybersexing Cleverbot.



So I decided to try it

alrighty, let’s go one more step





i’M ACTUALLY CRYING.

THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY


Story of my life


that’s a first.

I LAUGHED HARDER THEN I HOULD HAVE AND I WAS IN PUBLIC

I wasn’t gonna reblog this but I lost it at the last one

I actually woke up the hubby from laughing so fucking hard 

NEXT TIME WHEN I’M SEDUCING MY MAN, I’LL MAKE SURE TO RIP APART HIS SKELETON.

radglawr:

zellas:

fauxboy:

starshinethecat1:

xxgoldie12xx:

the-winchesters-in-221b:

2ollux-2hip2-2tuff:

davespritedave:

hoechlolly:

tehwhovianhufflepuff:

imagine-tenthousand:

mockinggrass:

Go big or go home 

So I tried to recreate this, because I knew the responses would be different, and consequently realized that it’s either extremely old or faked, as Cleverbot auto-capitalizes and auto-punctuates your sentences for you if you do not. Oh well.

In light of that fact, here’s my go at cybersexing Cleverbot.

image

So I decided to try it

image

alrighty, let’s go one more step

image

image

image

i’M ACTUALLY CRYING.

image

THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY

image

Story of my life

image

that’s a first.

I LAUGHED HARDER THEN I HOULD HAVE AND I WAS IN PUBLIC

I wasn’t gonna reblog this but I lost it at the last one

I actually woke up the hubby from laughing so fucking hard 

NEXT TIME WHEN I’M SEDUCING MY MAN, I’LL MAKE SURE TO RIP APART HIS SKELETON.

matthewjhelders:

"what music do you like?" is such a stressful question like what do you want to know??? genres?? artists?? albums??? time periods?? 25 most played?? what i’m currently listening to??? what i listen to at different times of the day?? be more specific??????

(Source: miniaturewhiski)

Hahaha I was educating my younger friends about sex… Do you like my rhyme?

"There’s no excuse to not protect your juice"

I am sooooo cool :P

vickisigh:

"girls look so much better with makeup"

literally everyone looks better with makeup i mean have you seen boys with eyeliner cos that is tha shit that sets my loins ablaze